The above is the battleship Wisconsin--launched, interestingly, exactly 2 years after Pearl Harbor, which happened exactly 67 years ago. Lest we forget...
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall"
I am definitely not in the habit of Zen anything (particularly motorcycle maintenance--although I did pass my motorcycle driving test today so perhaps that will change in the near future) but this quote has some relevance for me today.
As I was sitting on the bike today, waiting my turn to practice various maneuvers, I was hit with wave after wave of regret. I allowed myself to do this, to play the 'what if' game, to think about what I would do differently. I decided that if I could be given anything, it would be a chance to live the last 12 months over. I started to think about the many mistakes that I've made, the bad habits I've developed, and the decline of my life over the last period of time. Obviously, very negative, self-destructive thinking, and absolutely useless for anything. Luckily, I didn't allow this to last for too long, but it still got me to thinking about what I can do now.
This past week started out on an excellent note--happy--and stayed that way for most of it, until the weekend. I definitely fell off the wagon, eating-wise, and am just now climbing back on. Which brings me back to the quote at the beginning. If anything, I am tenacious.
Sometimes, I feel as though I am fighting for my life. Not, obviously, in the sense of my mortality, but in the sense of reclaiming my happiness, values, identity, self-worth, path, and destiny. I mean, I am in control, and I know that, but it doesn't always feel that way.
But aside from analyzing this thing overly so, and writing and talking about it, the only thing to do is to try again. So, here goes....
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