I'm a young fellow. As such, there is a particular spectrum of impulses and forces operating internally and externally upon me. A fairly strong one is the social drive. Girls! Bonfires! Staying up late! Having fun! Another impulse that I've become intimately familiar with over the past 3 years is to push myself, to compete with myself, to always be better, striving for better fitness and performance. Rarely in the past do they interfere; I feel that I have successfully balanced the two (or perhaps from another perspective, pushed the social drive to the side in the quest for performance). I've been able to sacrifice a bit here and there, and sometimes a lot here and there, for training. And rarely do I give it a second thought or feel much wistfulness.
But I guess I've come to learn that one's bank account of willpower is not bottomless; and it would seem that maybe I am starting to scrape the bottom. With the race so near, comes a surge of emotions. There is excitement, anxiety, hopes and fears for the race, but also the anticipation of a large release of pressure, a relaxing of schedules and bedtimes. That anticipation is starting to rear it's head, and I felt my motivation and commitment falter this weekend. I guess it's good that it comes now, instead of in the middle of February, at least. The training is essentially done, all that is left is to maintain the machinery in good working order and arrive the starting line in top shape.
So what's the conclusion? I'm ready to race and just need to make that last push to get focused and make it to Jurere Beach rarin' to go, and afterwards savor my summer and (hopefully) my Kona slot. The girls and bonfires will be waiting!
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