Self-Reflection

A few events have occurred in my life that have led me to a bit of self-examination and reflection.  One of those things was during a morning run on Tuesday--physically I was running back home from the I-90 trail, but mentally I was in Brazil.  Race day visualizations are emphasized for their ability to enhance mental performace come race day, so that's what I was doing; specifically, I was envisioning the run. 

  

The sensations of pain and fatigue are pretty much impossible to recreate spontaneously (luckily), but I was thinking about them, as I know that in order to put together the kind of race I want I'll have to dig deep on the run.  I was also thinking about the exhilaration that I know will be coming as I get closer and closer to the finish.  Quite unexpectedly, I began to feel quite emotional, just trotting along in Bellevue, but transported to Florianopolis.  Surprised by this, I quickly returned to the here and now. 

That experience brought a fairly obvious but sometimes brushed aside reality to the forefront of my mind: that I am very well "invested" in this race.  The above experience told me how much I am invested emotionally, and any one of my friends/family members/fellow primates can tell you that I'm socially invested, and only I (and coach Ben as well) know how invested I am physically. 

 

The comparison to an investment of course brings about a valid question: am I over-invested?  How much have my other assets suffered as a result of this campaign?  Or has this experience served to show me the unnecessary things that could be shed from my life, leaving only the essentials?  This question is something that one must answer for themselves, but only after being well tapped in to the feedback from the support system of the most important individuals in their lives. 

  

Another self-searching question that should be asked is "why do you REALLY do triathlons?"  I would venture to say that for the person spending 10+ hours per week training is not doing it just to "get healthy" or any of the back-of-the-cereal-box reasons.  (at this point I am borrowing heavily from a Ben Greenfield article, whose writing I find to be a bit cocky and arrogand, but I did like what he had to say in this particular piece).  There is in all likelihood some kind of emotional and/or irrational cause for the pursuit of fitness/competition.  Furthermore in all likelihood I bet it is either tied to:

 

--pride

--body image

--addiction

--desire for control

 

If one realizes that they are being fueled by any of the above, that doesn't mean one should stop.  Rather, by realizing your motivations, you will have greater control over your life, greater agency, to dictate to what degree and how training will control/influence your life, and consequently, those in your life.  That, however, is a gradual process--coming to terms with these issues and placing in check the appetites that reside in us is a life-long process.

  

To sum up: I was running, I just about lost it when thinking about IMB; I realized I'm in pretty deep; but that's okay, as long as I acknowledge that I'm in deep (and the key players in my life are okay with that).

 

Back to monkey business!