This is a cool picture I took at Martha's Vineyard way back in aught-2.
As time wore on, depression became more and more overeating's companion. Needless to say, this really, really, really interfered with my life. This was most apparent when I was obliged to not compete in Ironman Florida, which was to be the crowning achievement of my 2010 season.
It didn't take me that long to realize that the overeating was a big problem, and that to overcome it, I would need help. I spent a lot of time casting about for a solution that would give me not only lasting respite from the bouts of overeating but provide a new worldview. Specifically, one that would allow me to see myself in a more positive light, allow me to see myself as fundamentally good. Somewhere along the way I lost a view of myself as a good guy. I felt like I had some integral character flaw. It was like a shimmering blurriness at the corner of my vision; I always felt it, but if you tried to look straight at it, it evaporated. Conveniently, it could take on different forms, adapting itself to the situation. It could take the form of a social shortcoming, a professional deficiency, or just a basic inability to be a kind, good person. Looking at this shape-shifting self-slander (double word score alliteration!) I can see that it's really pretty baseless, false, and just plain BAD. bad bad bad.
Well, the thing about all of those avenues of help is that all of them, through no fault of their own, kind of fed into that negative view I had of myself. They inflated my view of the problem until it seemed like I would have to go through some painful self-exorcising so that these flaws could be brought to the surface, examined, and then removed. But here's the thing: nobody's perfect! We've all got flaws! I do, you do, everybody does. I was focusing my attention on removing these flaws with grandiose views of plans, steps, programs, all designed to fix what was wrong with me. In reality, what needed to be removed was not the problems (we've got a loooong time to work on our imperfections) but the idea that the problems needed to be removed to overcome overeating and to be happy.
So I'm here to tell you that things are going tremendously well, eating wise. I still feel pangs now and then to revert to old habits but they're pretty easy to keep under control. Actually, really easy. Who knows if they will ever really go away. And really, it was such simple change that I made, but I had to go through a lot to gain the perspective that allowed me to understand how and why to make the change.
Also, I am no longer engaged. Life happens.
Okay, enough baring of the soul. This is a really funny video:
0 comments:
Post a Comment